Forbidden Forest

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 17:28:00 GMT

Dear Pride,
We need to talk.
Sometimes I wish I had you
And others, I wish you would just beat it.
I walk with my head down
And I wish you were here to lift it up
And give me more bounce in m step.
Then there are days when you consume me.
I become so unbearable because
I think I’m so magnificent
You make me think others bitchy attitudes aren’t my fault
And it’s not my problem that they’re insignificant
This is where I wish you would go away.
That supposed greatness isn’t true.
Can we work something out?
Can you just stay half of the time?
Only half as much?
And not turn me into a stuck up cow?
Or disappear completely and turn me into a door mat?
Just only half please. No ego trips and no pity parties.
Think that’s possible? Get back to me on that.
Sincerely,
Lexi.

yawn

Thu, 27 Jul 2006 14:35:04 GMT

Man, I'm not even sure why I'm updating here, no one really friends this journal much... everyone usually goes to my other. Whatever, the weathe up here blows big time. It's a real pain in the ass. School starts up again on 5th of Sept. Two days after my B-day. Happy birthday to me, yay. -.- As for poems and such,I haven't been too inspired lately, but if anyone comes through here and wants to read more of my stuff, it's on my deviantart page, I have other stuff on my other devantpage too if anyone cares. It's mainly fanfiction though... yeah, I've been into fanfiction since I was 14... funny shit a lot of the time. I just get a kick out of writing my own endings to favorite shows that have endings that suck like hell... Hmm, I saw Poseidon and X-men 3 at the dollor show. It was an agreement with my mom, I'd see the sinking ship if she watched comics in action... we were both pleased with the end result, I loved Poseidon and she loved X-Men... Hmm, let's see... anything else, nope, not really.

Mon, 17 Jan 2005 04:11:26 GMT

Mourning Star

Once so brilliant
At a time so bright
She illuminated the darkness
with a shining light

In all of the heavens
she was the brightest star
Of all the others in space
She out-shone them by far

Be she was so generous
That the others did not care
All of them but one
He simply could not bare

Did he want her light
Wll, yes. But of course.
Little was he aware
but her love for him was the source

But since he was so ignorant
So blind, arrogant and bold.
He tried his best to out-shine her.
The pressure caused her to explode.

When the news reached her
The news of her love's explosion
Darkness spread through her
And brought on her light's corrosion

She became hateful and evil
Darkness killed her light
She then sucked away everything in her path
into a void darker than night

Poor little Mourning Star
She a shame she became so cold.
She went from a bright shining nova
to a vengeful black hole.

I Hate You

Mon, 17 Jan 2005 03:55:55 GMT

I place my hand on the knob of the door
I walk inside the room and I halt
The first thing I see is you
Why did it have to be you.
Seeing you disgusts me to the pit of my stomach
I want to kill you and everything you are
You are a horrid bitch!
Why are you even alive?!
You stare bacj at me
the same look of loathing your face
My blood boils now, boiling in rage
I hate everything you are
I can't take it anymore!
I clench my fingers into a fist
and strike you in the middle of your face
The image shatters and I feel slightly better
until I feel the pain in my hand
Blood is pouring down my hand rapidly
Heh
Stupid me.
Why'd I hit the mirror in the first place anyway?

My Dear Friend

Mon, 27 Dec 2004 21:00:42 GMT

The sky is painted a beautiful pink
As the sun dips towards the west
The air grows cooler now
as creatures of the day go to rest

The sky then fades from magenta to navy
and the ground is illuminated by the light of the moon
I lay here now, heart clenhcing in agony
When the sun rises, it will start again soon

With the coming of the dawn begins the cycle
That I so desperatly want to break.
Each day, I endure their jeers and taunts
Each word causing my soul to quake.

I can hear them now,
All of their hate aimed at me
I don't want to deal with this
I just want my friend to take me

My dear friend, I long to see him
I haven't seen him in a while
Not since he nearly too me the last time
long ago when I was a child

I remember him clearly
as if I had just seen him today
It has been thirteen years
since I saw him that day

He had towered over me
as I like sick in bed
I knew just who he was and was glad
I just wanted to be dead

His skeletal hand touched my face
the sleeve of his robe brushed my eyes
He then refused me and left
Walking away and ignoring my cries

That was thirteen years ago
That was when I was five
I am now eighteen, still waiting for him
Wishing that I wasn't alive.

I lay here now, dreading the dawn
Wishing for my shrouded friend
But, this night is like all the others
He won't come to bring my end

As I close my eyes
I feel an icy touch
I open my them and smile, he's here
and when I least expect it, I should've figure as much...

I grab his hand and pull him to me
Holding his bony frame close to mine
His skeletal hand runs through my hair
He whisperes to me that it's not my time

I feel the tears well up into my eyes
all of my hope is now gone
But, he forces me to look at him
and he tells me not to fear the dawn

He tells me I am a fool
for letting them get to me
He says they are ignorant
for trifiling with me

He then grips my shoulder
and leans in close to my ear
I feel his icy breath as he whispers:
"Tomorrow, I'll take whomever you wish, my Dear"

And with that he disappears
and pleasant shock replaces my sorrow
A dark smile graces my lips
Now, I can't wait for tomorrow

Mon, 27 Dec 2004 20:58:06 GMT

I make you walk with your head held high
Give you more sprink in your step when you walk
Giving you that haughty look in your eye
and the annoying tone when you talk

I make you seem truly unbearable
Because you think you're magnificent
You think that you're understandable
and it's not your fault they're so insignificant

But, your supposed greatness isn't true
It's all a delusion
See, this is what I do, fool
I am a master of illusion

Now, with me,Pride, you've filled yourself
and all who were close to you have walked out the door
Now, are you content loving yourself?
Because no one else will anymore

Whispers

Mon, 27 Dec 2004 20:55:06 GMT

You whisper when I am not looking
You think I cannot hear
I understand you perfectly
It doesn't matter if I'mnear

You laugh when my back is turned
You think I can't hear a sound
I know exactly what you are saying
I don't have to turn around

Can't you say it when I'm around?
Are you afraid? Are you scared?
You can say it to my face
I really don't even care.

I'll admit, I talk about you too
But if you asked, I wouldn't deny it
I will tell you exactly what I said
But knowing you, you'll probably start whining

So, what you say isn't important to me
I don't care about it at all
But if you have something to say to me
stop whispering and grow some balls

A little taste

Sun, 12 Dec 2004 01:08:18 GMT

Okie dokey. This is just a small piece of the scene everyone seems to like so much when my friends read it. I just want your opinion on it. Does anything need to be corrected, or should some scenes be changed...

He raped her. He violated her friend. One of the few friends she had in the world and he does that to her. He was going to regret it for the rest of his life!

Brittany paced back and forth in her living room. After the telephone conversation with Lydia, she was barely keeping her rage in check. That bastard Ray! How could he do that to Lydia? She loved him to death! That girl would have tried to move mountains if she could for him and this is how he repays her?!

"Fucking bastard..."

Brittany stopped and sat down on the couch when she felt the anger inside of her growing out of control. She could feel something inside of her beginning to break. But, she was powerless to stop it. "Shit... not again!"

A stinging pain raced through her head as well as her chest. She pressed her hand against her head and breathed heavily. Everything sounded so far away. She could barely hear the telelvision even though it was right in front of her. She could not hear her mother talking on the telephone, or the baby giggling as she played with her toys. She grasped her head with both hands and fell back onto the couch, gritting her teeth as a blinding white light flashed in front of her eyes before turning black and everything went silent completly.

"Brittany! Brittany!"

At that moment, Brittany's eyelids lifted and she stared into her mother's eyes. She sat up and stared at the woman in front of her and analyzed her face before coming to a conclusion. "Mom..." she said softly.

Arlene stared at her daughter quizically. "Are you okay? I came to ask you if you were hungry"

"I'm fine, Mom... and no... I'm not hungry..." she said getting up and heading towards the door. "I need to go now"

Arlene just watched her daughter leave before shaking her head. "That girl just keeps getting weirder..."

Hmm... haven't seen her in awhile... she's changed since the last time. Her hair's shorter now. So, that was my vessle's mother...

The form that looked like Brittany Walton headed down the street. She felt the need to do something, the anger inside of her was leading her like a leash. It was her vessle's anger, Brittany's anger. And it would not go away until she dealt with the force of this rage. She could see a face in her mind, a face Brittany had seen many times. A tall blonde boy with green eyes. A name began to form. Raymond... Hunter. Fine, she would face this Raymond and then she could set back on her mission, a mission that was millinia postponed.

"All right, later man!"

"All right, bro"

Raymond slung his bag over his shoulder and headed out of the school building. He sighed and headed down the street. Wiping the sweat off of his face. Practice had been extra rough today. More than likely because the Homecoming Game was coming up. They were playing their arch-rivals that day. Then there was the dance right after that.

Lydia flashed through his mind for a moment when he thought of how she was going to be his date to the dance. He felt a touch of remorse of what he had done to her but it left just as quickly as it came. So what? She wasn't anything. Just a woman. Women were objects. Nothing more and everything less.

"Raymond... Hunter..." a voice called out from the darkness.

Raymond looked up when he heard someone call his name. "Who's there?" he asked, looking around. "Hello?"

Footsteps could be heard coming closer to him and he looked around frantically but saw no one. When a hand touched his shoulder, he nearly came out of his skin as he gasped in fear and whirled around. He was met with a pair of cold brown eyes peering at him through a shock of short, wild black hair. He knew those emotionless eyes. "Walton... what the Hell does your crazy ass want?"

Her eyes raked up and down his form. This... Raymond Hunter was a tall boy, taller than her. He had deep green eyes and short hair the color of cornsilk. He had the types of features most women found attractive. High cheek bones, sensuous looking mouth, well-built body. Even she was willing to admit he was attractive, but that hardly mattered. All that mattered was the rage that was not hers that she felt she must act upon.

"You... angered my vessel..." she said softly, looking up into his jade-colored eyes.

Raymond arched a brow at her. "What the Hell are you talking about?" he asked. He had heard rumors that Brittany Walton was completly insane... he was beginning to believe those rumors were true.

She said nothing, but just eyed the boy. She began sorting through Brittany's memories. What has this boy done, vessel? She sorted through the most recent ones. Brittany having a conversation through that ringing device... telephone it was called. She was speaking with a girl, a crying girl. A girl named Lydia. Lydia told Brittany that she had been raped... by this boy.

"So, that's what you did...?" she asked, feeling her own anger mixing with Brittany's. "Violated vessel's friend... drove her mad with rage" she said and then smiled a cold smile at him. "And brought me forth you did, I suppose I should thank you... but I won't"

Raymond was beginning to get a little nervous. "What the fuck is your problem, A-cup?!"

"Lydia... she loved you... and you did that to her" she said in an icy tone. "You proud of yourself?"

Raymond glared at her before a smirk curved his mouth. "Please, the little tease deserved it. Just like all you bitches. Fucking slutty dick-teasers... that's all you women ar-"

Raymond never got to finish that sentence since Brittany's fist connected with his jaw, sending him flying onto the concrete, his head hitting the side-walk. He was more shocked that anything. She hit with the force of a mack truck! "Bitch!" he screamed, getting to his feet and rushing her. He grabbed her by the shoulders and slammed her into the cold brick wall of an abandoned building. He reared back and punched her in the jaw, causing her head to crack against the bricks. She glared up at him and let out a feral snarl before shooting her hand forward and wrapping it around his throat. She brought her leg up, sending her knee straight into his side. He fell over onto his side, crying out as the air was forced out of his lungs.

She bent over and grabbed him by the neck and pushed him inside the building, giving him a punch to the jaw for good measure. She felt a jolt of satisfaction as she saw the blood spray from his mouth. She looked down at the boy and smirked. "How does it feel..." she whispered in the darkness. "... to have your ass kicked by a woman?"

"Fuck you!" he gasped. "You won't get away with this, you fucking bitch!"

"Just like you won't get away with raping vessel's friend... " she said as her eyes landed on a steel pipe. "So... how do you think she felt..?" she asked bending over to pick up the pipe.

"W-what?" he asked, trying to get up. "And what the Hell is this 'vessel' shit you keep yakking about?"

"Lydia... how do you think she felt when you raped her?"

"Damn it, Brittany..." he gasped when he saw the pipe in her hands and the murderous glint in her eyes. "Cut it out!"

"SHUT UP!" she screamed, striking him across the face with the pipe, causing more blood to spew from his mouth. She pressed her foot into his back and pressed down, holding him there. "You think all women are sluts? Think we don't matter? Think that we're just something for you amusement...?"

"W-what are you doing?" Raymond asked, feeling the fear begin to overwhelm him. He looked over his shoulder as she held him there and watched her as she raised the pipe toward her mouth. She clamped her teeth on the rim of the pipe and tore at the metal with her mouth. He watched in horrified fascination as she ripped the steel with her teeth in various directions, making the pipe jagged. She then glanced at Raymond and smiled a sweet smile at him.

"What... the Hell are you? You're not human!" he screamed.

"Hm? You're half right... This body is human..." she said bending over to grasp the waistband of his sweatpants, pulling them down along with his underwear.

"What are you-" he gasped as she raised the pipe in her hand.

"But I'm not human!" she screamed before plunging the pipe down, thrusting it savagly into his entrance.

Raymond screamed when the jagged rod entered him. God! It felt like he was being ripped in half! Tears flowed from his eyes as he choked and sobbed. "Brittany! Stop it! Please! I never did anything to you!" he cried.

But she did not listen. She continued to thrust the pipe in and out of him ferociously, not heeding for a moment. Finally, after so many years! It felt so good to her delicious screams of torture, screams caused by her. It was like water after days in the desert. She grinned feraly and with her free hand she gripped his head. She saw into his mind. She saw what he did to the girl, Lydia. Heard the degrading words he screamed at her as he violated her. She yanked his head back and leaned foreward, not resting her thrusting arm for a moment as she placed her mouth near his ear.

"Do you like it?! How does it feel! You worthless shit!" she screamed at him, using the words he screamed at the girl when he took her. "Is it good! AM I MAKING YOU COME?! AM I GETTING YOU OFF?! ISN'T THIS HOW YOU LIKE IT?! COME ON, ASSHOLE! BEG FOR ME!!"

Raymond screamed louder. He prayed to any listening deity that someone was walking out late at night and could hear his screams as well as her enraged shouts. He heard her tell him to beg and that flared his anger. He wasn't about to beg and cry like a bitch. "BITCH, I DON'T BEG!!" he screamed back.

"WHATEVER!" she screamed back at him. "Just feel it! Feel the pain you caused the girl! Feel my vessel's hatred through this steel! But most of all... FEEL ALL MY PLEASURE IN CAUSING YOU PAIN!!"

She thrust harder, using her inhuman strength to ram it as far as she could make it go. The last scream that came from him was like a sweet symphony to her ears. Yes, it had been too long. She licked his ear and smirked. "Was it as good for you as it was for me...?" she whispered sensuously.

Raymond sobbed and cried, his body felt ripped. He turned a tortured jade glare to his tormentor. "Brittany... you'll pay for this...?"

Those eyes... just like hers... Makes it all the better...

She smirked at him and he eyes began to flicker. They shifted back and forth between dark brown and deep violet. "Brittany's not in right now..." she said softly. "Brittany's taking a long overdue rest... now, it's my turn to play... and play I will"

"W-who are you...?" he whispered hoarsly.

"Life and Death. Rebirth and destruction. That is what my name means" she said brushing his damp blonde hair away from his face. "My name is Sekhmankh. Remember it, for it will be your constant torture on your trip to Tarturus!"

And with that, she wrenched the pipe in further, feeling it rip something inside of him. The boy let out one final scream as blood spewed from his mouth. She then used all of her inhuman strength to yank the steel from his body. The jagged edges had caught on his internal organs for when she ripped the pipe out, his vicera followed, flying behind her like revolting party streamers. Blood splattered her face as she dropped the pipe. Sekhmankh smiled and chuckled. "A wonderful first day back..." she muttered.

She stood up and looked down into his face, looking at his lifeless jade eyes as they stared back at her. A scowl set her face. She would soon see another pair of jade eyes staring up at her like that. All she needed was a little time. She ran a bloody hand through her hair, causing it to slick back.

Feh... I guess I should bring the vessel back to her mother... Things can't be out of the ordinary... I can live in this world... if only for a little while... just until I reach my goal...

Sekhmankh headed out of the abandoned building and headed towards her vessel's home, calling upon Brittany's memories to find her way from this place. Her borrowed body felt alive with satisfaction at her first kill in years. It was always such fun. She thought back to the boy and her face shifted into a mask of confusion.

"What is an 'A-cup'?"

Damn!

Tue, 07 Dec 2004 15:32:33 GMT

Oh, my God! Some one tell me why the fuck am I surrounded by fucking IDIOTS! I'm just sitting in class, munding my own business, not doing shut to anyone. And these fucking assholes cause me to have all my work and shit due by Friday and I'm not going to be here Friday and tbe work was due next Wednesday! Fucking idiots! They think they're so fucking cool and shit... pathetic ass bastards...

Sun, 05 Dec 2004 00:40:13 GMT

Here is the prologue for my book... well, possible prologue... I'm not sure yet... It's a major league suck in my opinion...

1986

"Oh, my God ... she's so adorable..."

Eighteen year old Arlene Walton stared down at the squirming baby the nurse had placed in her arms. The birth had been really tiring but it was worth it. Her daughter was a little angel. She had such pretty, curly black hair and brown skin. The child had not opened her eyes yet, but she knew that they would be beautiful as well.

"Have you thought of a name yet?"

Arlene looked up at the nurse and nodded. "Her name is Brittany"

The nurse nodded and wrote something down on the clipboard that she held in her hands before setting it on the table. "I have to take her to the maternity ward now"

Arlene pouted but handed the baby to the nurse. "Bye, sweetie..." she waved to her daughter.

"I hope you're ready for the responsibility..." a voice said from next to her.

Arlene sighed and rested her head on the pillow. "I'm not dealing with you now, mother..."

Her mother, Jess, sighed and sat down in the chair next to her daughter's bed. I already know I'll have to do everything... she'll just fuck up as usual...

"I always knew you'd do soething like this..." Jess muttered to herself.

"Something like what, mother...?" Arlene asked tiredly but defensive.

"This. Getting knocked up and having a baby when you just got out of high school!" Jess said in a harsh whisper. "And knowing you, I'm going to have to raise her. Hopefully she won't turn out a lost cause like you"

Arlene raised herself up on her elbows and turned her head to face her mother. "Lost cause? The only reason I'm a "lost cause" as you put it is because I was raised by a bitch like you..."

Jess' eyes flashed in fury and Arlene flinched but refused to back down as she braced herself for the blow she knew was coming. But, an angel must have been smiling on her because at that moment another nurse, a smiling blonde woman, walked in.

"Hi, Arlene. I'm just going to check you out for a minute" she said smiling at the young girl.

"Okay" the nurse said in relief and the smiled a false smile at her mother. "I need to rest, Mom..."

The glanced between mother and daughter and must have felt the tension level. "Mrs. Walton, I'm sorry, but she does need her rest. You can come visit her tomorrow"

Jess glanced at her daughter and then smiled at the nurse. "Of course... I'll see you tomorrow, Arlene"

"I know" Arlene said, voice indifferent.

Jess left without giving a second glance at her daughter and shut the door behind her. After she had left Arlene let out a sigh of relief and smiled at the nurse. "Thanks..."

"No problem" the blonde said. "I have a mother like that too..." she said as she checked off the chart in her hands. "Real bitch..." she said and then blushed. "Excuse my language..."

"Understandable..." Arlene said with a smile as she rested back on the pillow.

During the scene between mother and daughter, the nurse had took the squirming baby and headed down to the nursery, every now and then cooing at the child. It was at that moment, the girl's eyelids lifted to reveal a pair of deep brown pools.

"Well, look who decided to take a look around..." the nurse laughed.

Little Brittany looked up tiredly at the nurse before closing them again. The nurse took her into the ward and placed her in an empty bassenette that was surrounded by others, all of which were occupied by a baby. Some were sleeping, some were crying softly. One child decided to make his presence known by opening his mouth and letting out a shrill cry.

Upon hearing the noise, every other baby began to cry also. The nurse sighed in annoyance and went to shush the loud child. But when she passed little Brittany, she did a double-take and stared at the child.

Brittany had her eyes open and was crying also. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. The nurse shook it off and resumed hushing the baby boy as other nurse came to quiet the other children.

I was seeing things... That little girl's eyes are brown... I've been working too hard... there is no way in Hell her eyes are violet...

If You Only Knew

Sun, 05 Dec 2004 00:38:07 GMT

Again, this one I wrote for a friend who just doesn't have a clue...

You care about him.
But does he care about you?
You actually think so?
I hardly do.

You look at him
he smiles and laughs
Little do you realize
he'll shatter your heart like glass

Do you think he wants you
just because he gave you a smooch?
He just likes how you follow him
like a faithful, obedient pooch.

If you only knew
he things that I do.
If you only knew
he doesn't care for you

Your constant following annoys him
He starting to get tired of it
And you tell me he cares for you.
You annoy me with that shit.

You know that I don't believe in love
So I don't know what you feel.
But, if you knew what I know
you probably couldn't deal.

I don't understand romance
and I don't really care to.
But, the reason I am telling you this
is because I'm worried about you.

They're Not Worth It

Sun, 05 Dec 2004 00:34:11 GMT

Another poem I wrote back in 9th grade when I was feeling morbid and worthless... Tell me what you think.

The wind blows through my hair

My bangs fall into my face

I can't help but smile.

I'll be rid of this place.

Not rid of the room or the floors

The windows and doors

Not rid of the furniture and the ceiling

No.

For it is this very world that I am leaving.

My life has been nothing

But a dreary veil

If you could call my life anything

It would be one word.

Hell.

I know there are others

with lives much worse out there.

But, at this point

Do you think I really care?

I feel like a coward

Taking the easy way out.

When they live their their awful lives

Without so much as a doubt

That they will come out on top.

I wonder what heaven is like.

Is it high in the sky

A field of clouds

a garden of rays of light.

Full of happiness and felicity.

The two things I have never known.

I wonder what Hell is like.

Is it deep in the bowels of the Earth

A lake of fire

A land of embers

Full of wrath and melancholy

My two faithful companions.

Which kingdom will my spirit pass on to

Where will my soul dwell

Will it be the land of the blessed

Heaven?

Or the realm of the damned

Hell?

I suddenly feel guilty.

I think of someone who has always been there for me.

Mother.

Can I just leave her like this?

She's always cared for me

And now I'm just going to leave the world

Like a fool

Like...

the coward that I am.

I can't do it.

I can't leave like this.

It's not worth it.

The pain is not worth it.

They are not worth it.

They are nothing.

They hurt me to feel good.

My smile grows wider.

They have felt this way too.

Love's Words

Sun, 05 Dec 2004 00:26:42 GMT

I was really bored in Marketing class and I wrote this... I hope you like it.

I have you on a string
Brainwashed with the happiness I bring
But, you are just a fool
Nothing but my unwitting tool
You search for me high and low
Hoping to find me wherever you go
The people who don't want me are considered evil
When it's the ones who crave me who are the foolish people
The pain I cause you is hardly bearable
Watching you suffer, it's so hysterical
I am the one that makes a woman stay with a man
the same man who beats her whenever he can
I am the one who makes a man take a bride
I make her leave him, causing all the tears he cried
I bring nothing but pain and destruction
I am nothing but deciet and corruption
You think I can combat hate
when it is I who leads you toward his gate
Hate and love, we work together
We have played this little game forever
I turn you into my mindless pawn
slowly giving you to my brother to feed on
Yet, with all this pain I caused before
You can't bare living without me, thus wanting me more